Welcome to Part 03 of this series of articles on parenting and you can enrich your life with very small and simple steps that you can take based on the principle of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), brought to you by 5th Element, Pune. Click Part 01 or Part 02 to read our previous parts.
This week we continue on the theme of how the child's perception of the world is totally different from that of an adults.
As adults, we have been habituated into thoughts, beliefs and actions largely based on our individual learning, experiences and social interactions. This leads us to have ways of thinking which are not a natural part of a child's thoughts.
For example, as adults we would tend to draw comparisons of how something is better, worse, right, wrong. These comparisons presuppose a frame of reference against which the comparison is being drawn.
But for a young child - there IS no frame of reference (to start with). Hence how will they understand our comparison - let alone agree or comply with our comparison?
As adults we have notions about "must do", "should do", "have to" - all necessities/desires arising from societal interactions and protocols. But for a child - they don't know about society and its protocols. How can they understand why something "must be done"?
And then comes the dreaded question - "But why?". All parents have faced this endless barrage of "But Why"? questions on innumerable occasions often ending in exasperation or maybe even aggression on the part of the parent.
If faced with such situations, always remember your answer to the following questions-
- Between the child and the parent, who is the adult?
- Between the adult and the child, who is supposed to be mature and responsible?
Bring out your "Gift of Parenting" diary and write down your list of the following:
a) All the situations in which you have your understanding of should, shouldn't, must, must not, have to, need to
b) All the situations in which you have your understanding of can/can't, possible/not possible etc.
c) What are the situations / circumstances where you have your understanding of distinctions of right v/s wrong, good v/s bad etc.,
d) What are the situations / circumstances where you have your understanding of always, never, all, none etc.,
Now examine each of these and write down the basis of having formed these understandings. Ask yourself whether each of these is grounded in facts that are current and to date? Have some of these become obsolete and hence need to be re-examined? Would you still continue to hold on to the same understanding after this re-examination?
Now ask yourself if your child has the self-experience which could have generated the basis for forming these same understandings as you have? What can you do to generate an experience (a pleasant one) for your child where the child can start forming their own experiential learning?
Innocence of childhood is the mirror of introspection for the parent. To me, parenting is about the growth of the parent as a human being and where the child is the real parent teaching us the most important lessons of our lives - about ourselves. Truly a Gift.
continued.... (Click Here for Part 04)
Author - Anil D Dagia, NLP Trainer member of ANLP, UK, Foremost NLP Trainer in Mumbai & Pune (India).
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